


Tales from Hell: Cannibal Cavalcade, or: Alastor Throws a House Party

by DK_Eldritch



Series: Tales from Hell: Hazbin Hotel [5]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Alastor Being a Jerk (Hazbin Hotel), Alastor is Bad at Feelings (Hazbin Hotel), Alice in Wonderland References, Angel Dust Being Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Asexual Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Awesome Charlie, British Character, Cannibalism, Dancing, Dark Comedy, Dark Magic, Demon Children, F/F, F/M, Fights, I Ship It, M/M, Mary Poppins References, Musical, Musical References, Musicals, Narcissism, Nice Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Party, Rocky Horror Picture Show References, Singing, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:28:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21979591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DK_Eldritch/pseuds/DK_Eldritch
Summary: Charlie and Co. are invited to a party being held at Alastor's private estate: Buckshot Ridge, where the staff will have to survive an onslaught of cannibals, powerful Overlords and numerous impromptu musical numbers. Through the chaos Charlie gets to learn some things about Alastor's life, his thoughts, feelings and his odd connection to the lovely demoness that acts a little bit too perfect.
Relationships: Alastor/Rosie (Hazbin Hotel), Charlie Magne/Vaggie
Series: Tales from Hell: Hazbin Hotel [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550146
Comments: 3
Kudos: 89





	1. Ms. Perfect had Got this Down

**Author's Note:**

> Italics denote singing and music. I'm experimenting with putting songs into standard dialogue rather than stage line format. Hopefully it'll work well with actions and help pace the word flow naturally.

Episode 5:

In the major shopping district of Pentagram City, money is war. Any demon even attempting to enter a profitable business in the area has to face a herculean challenge against the cutthroat competition, the ones willing to lie, steal, cheat and kill anything attempting to take a stake in their line of business. Commerce is mob business. Those who don’t have the guile or the muscle are tossed aside. 

Among the throngs of shady and violent business stood the doors of Rosie’s Emporium, formerly Franklin and Rosie’s. This great warehouse was the epicenter of business, not just because it was manned by Hell’s most terrifying creatures, but because it was run well. For Hell that was rare. Resources, manufacturing, stocking, selling, pricing, management, all handled perfectly. The iron grip on Pentagram City’s economy was justified, and it was all thanks to the British demoness that manned the main office. She walked out into her balcony. The world was made quiet around her. The desk that sat opposite of her was empty.

_“Look at them,” _she sang. _“Look at them scamper and scurry. What are they scared of?” _A cannibal started chasing the customers. _“Why are they all in such a big hurry? This store’s going nowhere, not today, tomorrow or ever. I won’t allow it. This kingdom’s my greatest endeavor. Compared to that insect, I’m practically perfect.” _______

_____ _

Rosie threw herself off the balcony and down into the throngs of people going through her aisles, her shops and grocers. They backed off and gave her the respect she deserved. Her stride moved oceans of people. _“Look at this empire. It’s running all proper. In terms of engagement, I have all the shoppers. I know that my children are rather unique, but we all know that Hell is for the freaks.” _Rosie watched the munchkin staff bring in heaps of new inventory to fill out the depleted. The sight of their mother supervising got them to work even harder. _“We sell everything for every commuter. Food, drugs and weapons and even computers (eugh!). Disciplined order’s what keeps up above, not emotions like hatred or love.” _____

________ _ _ _ _

Rosie made a polite exit and viewed the construction on the outside. A quick fix was made after the extermination but it was a gaudy fix, too sloppy for a respectable establishment like this, so the new Rosie’s Emporium sign was being installed on time and in good order. She backed up to enjoy the view. _“It’s my name! My poor old Franklin it was such a shame. But you were late to the store, and we locked all the doors. Who could you blame? But now it’s my name! And everything will remain the same. No changing the line. This idea was mine. That’s just the game. It’s my name!” ___

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

As she let out a deep breath the world reformed around her and she was smack dab in the middle of a crosswalk in her big burgundy dress.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Top of the morning Rosie,” said a chipper lion demon.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Yes a pleasant one Mr. Stocks.”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

A raven-y looking bloke scooted around her. “Hello sexy. Welcome to the jungle.”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Rawrr, little birdie.” She curled up her hand. “Watch out or I might catch you one day.”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

A whole group of pedestrians stepped on her dress. “Move out of the way you plastic bitch.”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Excuse me sir,” she replied, pulling him back. “Your tie is far too loose. Let me straighten it out for you. There we go. All better now.” The demon’s neck was practically snapped in two for how much she choked him. His friends had to carry him off. Seriously the never of some people. Even Overlords can’t catch a break.

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

One of the munchkin employees came out in a hurry. “Lady Rose! Lady Rose! I have a letter from Alastor.”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Oh you do?” she answered. “Much appreciated little one. Let’s see what my fellow equal has to say.” She read the whole thing over. Her face lit up in pure delight. “Ohohohoho! Al you diamond in the rough. Timothy, how’s the schedule looking for today?”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Oh we have so much to do this morning Ms. Rosie. The mayor wants to talk to you about trading with the other cities, and you have three wholesale deals to sign through.”

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I see,” she sighed. “It’d be improper to cancel meetings I’ve already committed to. But I will accept. A woman always knows how to plan things correctly, and I do it the _because I’m practically perfect! _Except in humility, of course.”__

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _


	2. Got Nothin' to Show for It

On the other side of town, Charlie had found herself in a bit of a bother. Patients thirty-nine, forty, forty-one, forty-two and forty-three decided to throw a little tantrum for her, and by tantrum they meant robbing the place with brute force. The group surrounded the demon princess and her manager in the seventh floor lavatory.

“That’s right girlie,” one of them said. “Stay right there and we’ll be out of here in no time.”

“Of course, we’d also like to know where you keep all of the jewels and valuables.”

“In fact, why don’t we add you two to the plunder pile.” The group got a laugh out of that one.

Charlie and Vaggie were resting on the edge of the bathtub, both annoyed one way or the other. This was starting to become a regular occurrence with the guests and Charlie was starting to get bummed out over it. She rested her chin over her hand.

“Guys, I’m not really up for this mood right now,” Charlie said. “Can you guys just leave instead of committing crimes at the drop of a hat?”

“Are you fucking serious?” number forty said. “You’re gonna complain about demons committing crimes? What kind of demons are you?”

“The ones getting sick of this shit.” Vaggie pulled her knives out.

“Ha! What are you gonna do? Stab us?”

About thirty seconds later all five of them were ejected from the east side window, a trail of flaming smoke flowing from their burning asses. They landed in a ditch and lied there broken until Charlie made them scram with her finger guns.

“Nope, just some good ol’ cowboy shootin’,” said Charlie, blowing the magic out of her fingertips. She let out a long sigh. “Well that’s another bust. We’ve been getting some real weirdos around here lately. I don’t get it.”

“Maybe it’s that time of year?” said Vaggie. “It’s been awhile since the last extermination. New assholes come by every day.”

“Yeah, but I’ve been wanting people who are, you know, serious about this. Everyone we’ve been talking to lately have either been deranged or criminals faking to be patients.”

“Well we’re not exactly in a position of power. Of course people are going to try and take advantage of us.”

“Do you think Alastor has anything to do about it?”

Vaggie called down to Niffty to clean up the broken window. “Of course I do Charlie but, what are we gonna do about that. We don’t know what’s up.”

“Right.” Charlie slumped down on the stairway. There hasn’t been a single break, a single shred of proof to show that her treatment could lead to redemption. So far the stats she has was the amount of money Alastor was pouring in and so nothing was coming back up.

Vaggie tapped her foot. “What the Hell is taking Niffty so long? Hello!?” No answer. “Something’s not right here.”

“You think they left?”

“Let’s check.” The two ran down to the foyer and found nobody. Not a single soul was in sight. Niffty wasn’t running around like a maniac and Husk wasn’t manning the front counter. Alastor was nowhere in sight as well. “This place really is empty.”

Something fell in the parlor. “What was that?” Charlie and Vaggie snuck up to the door and peeked inside. The door slammed shut. “Jesus! Wait, was that-?”

Charlie opened the door and Fat Nuggets hopped up at her face with a cheery squeal. The impact sent her flying into the wall. “Oh Fat Nuggets, who’s that you’re talking to?” Angel asked, appearing from behind the couch with a facial mask on. Cucumbers were added on all eight eyes. “Is that you Charlie? I can’t see shit right now.”

“Yeah that’s me.” Charlie scrambled on her ground with a face full of Hellpig.

Vaggie picked him up and leaned over the couch. “Um, what’s with that getup?” she asked.

“What? I gotta keep the wrinkles out of my face. Do you know what drinking and drugs can do to you?”

“No I don’t really.”

“Um, Angel?” Charlie got back up. “Do you know where everyone is?”

“You mean Al and pals?” He peeled off one of the cucumbers. “They were gone since yesterday. Gave me this letter here about some party.”

“What!?” Vaggie snatched it out of his hands and read it in full. “My most lovely Charlie.” She adjusted her voice for Alastor inflections. “On the 23rd I will be hosting a little soiree for some good colleagues of mine. I invite you to Buckshot Ridge for a gay old time with me and my staff! Location is listed below. Do be careful on the way over, and try to eat before coming here. With what I’m cooking, you’ll be fed up with other people in no time! Ohohoho! With great admiration, -Alastor.”

“I was, eh, gonna drop by and say hello.” Angel peeled off the mask and felt out his smooth new face. “You know, schmooze with the high rollers over there, maybe, meet some new lodges out there.”

“...Right.” Vaggie thought it over. “Today is the 23rd so I guess he expects you to be there Charlie. I don’t like it though. Him in his home territory? I don’t wanna know what that looks like.”

“True,” Charlie said. “But at least this time we’ll get to know everything about him. Find out his past, his quirks, his dark secrets. Might figure out if he has a tail or not.”

Vaggie gave a blank stare. Charlie had been trying to get Alastor into the lounge chair for months now and couldn’t even get him into the room. No fun from the Cajun Serial Killer. She took a look at the address. “OH SHIT! We are not going!”

“Why?” Charlie saw the address. It was on the very corner of the southwestern side of the pentagram, right out toward the bloody sea and green marshes. “Wait, if he’s there, then the only road that leads to there is-.”


	3. Our Merry Cannibal Band

The Cannibal Colony is one of the most feared places this side of Hell. It is the residence for some of the most deranged folk, sinister residents from the early 20th century that terrorize the people of Pentagram City. Cannibalism wasn’t a rare sight in Hell. Many of Hell’s famous lords and ladies partook in sins of the flesh eating. There was power to it, prestige, and it was classy. The people from the Cannibal Colony were the people that decided to live in it, fall into its singleminded craze. Plus they were weird. Only the Emporium considered working with them. For anyone who came near them, their presence had to be taken with caution and fear.

The Happy Hotel Trio decided to drive right through the place. With Razzle and Dazzle driving the three had their eyes peeled as the idyllic old timey town turned the whole city-scape back in time. Cars turned into horse carts and the car jittered on the cobblestone roads. At a glance everything looked to be happy and cheerful around the area. Parks and gardens galore.

“Wow, it’s so, pretty here,” Charlie said. “You think it’d be more, um, cannibal-ly around here.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” Angel rolled down his window an inch. “All these buildings look like they’re painted.”

“Well of course they’re painted. They’re-.”

“No I mean the fronts of these buildings are all painted on. You know? Like a movie set.”

The two glanced closer. He was right. “What are we getting ourselves into?” Vaggie sighed.

“We’ll be out of here soon. I hope,” Charlie said.

“Yeah no need to be scared with all your fleshy bits on a skewer,” Angel chuckled. “Luckily for me I’m a spider. Not that appetizing by comparison.”

“Unappetizing sounds right.” Vaggie crossed her legs. Despite her protests she did dress up for the occasion with a cut black dress and dyed blue hair, curled for the flapper aesthetic. “By the way, shouldn’t you have gone with anything less, you over there?”

“What’s wrong with my usual?” Angel asked.

“I mean, aren’t you worried about what others will think about you?”

“Babe, please. When you’re this good looking, nobody is going to tell you otherwise. Besides I grew up in this era, you didn’t.”

“So you’re saying you know what these cannibals are like?”

“Well-.”

A loud bang came from under the limo. Everyone freaked as the blown out car limped to the side of the road and stopped. The two goat boys popped open the hood to find a smoking heap. From outside one could barely hear the swears coming out from inside.

Charlie rolled down the window once they quieted down. “Is it bad?” she asked. Dazzle gave the affirmative. “Looks like we’re walking the rest of the way.”

“Are you crazy?” Vaggie whispered. “They’ll kill us.”

“But I can see the house at the end of the street.” This was true, although Buckshot Ridge was hard to miss so high up on a hill. “We just need to walk for a bit.”

“Alright, but if we see any of them, we’re bolting.”

Charlie opened the door and got out while Vaggie and Angel got out the other side. By the time the closed the door a dozen munchkins were around them. At first they looked fine with their big smiles and cute little hats but the smile part was getting too smiley. The three stayed calm. Charlie put out her hand.

“Hi, I’m Charlie. Nice to meet you,” she said.

The cannibal stared back at her, a bead of drool rolling down his chin. _“Ohhhhhh!”_ he droned for a second. The air twisted around him and the sound of instruments came into being. _“_ _Oh welcome to our happy town. It is a land where we don’t frown. With a hop and a kick and a lollipop lick we live lifestyle that you can’t turn down!”_

The other munchkins bounced to the beat and urged the three of them to join in. Charlie urged them and lead. An old piece of wisdom was brought up: If you’re in it, you must join in.

Charlie mimicked the boys as best as she could and put on a smile. _“Oh, oh by gosh, oh by golly gee. You are all so kind, so, um, kind to me. But I can’t, gotta go, gotta see the show with a radio man with, uh, yellow tee(th).”_

The three managed to get themselves moving. Razzle and Dazzle didn’t seem to be bothered at all so they kept working on the car. The growing crowd kept moving in a coordinated fashion, dancing up and down the street, swinging on poles. Some of them got on the rooftops to dance. It took every ounce of concentration from them to not piss them off.

It was Vaggie’s turn. _“_ _We’re doing great so please don’t kill us. It would be really swell if you don’t kill us. We’re dancing and we’re jiving so don’t kill us. We’re almost there please don’t fucking kill us.”_

They were one block away. Now it was Angel’s turn. _“Ha! What a bunch of chumps, what a bunch of chodes. Your rinky stinky village blows. You can kiss my ass, I’ve got you all on blast, and if you get closa’ I’ll give you a load.”_

The crowd cheered happier than ever and finished off with the same first as the first. _“This colony town, you can’t, turn, dowwwwwn!_ ” The entire street struck a pose and stood there completely still. This gave the three what they needed to head toward the open gate.

“Finally we can fucking get out of here,” Angel said.

That was the wrong time to say it, as all of the munchkins’ heads redirected toward their directions. They bared their teeth. It was time to book it.

A stampede went into effect as hundreds of demons charged in and gaining ground fast, but the song bought the group space and they were past the gate. Like magic the “A” adorned bars closed shut and sealed them off, leaving the crowd to scratch at a barrier spanning the whole perimeter. They all were completely out of breath.

“I guess Alastor is not a fan of being eaten himself,” Vaggie said. “I can’t blame him living in this place.”


	4. Alastor's Personal Army

The driveway to Buckshot Ridge was a winding road, obscured by the thick canopies of live oak trees. The ground was buzzing with life with tiny insects and hundreds of creatures creatures lied on every branch and in every hole. A thousand eyes were watching them. For something as simple as a front yard it was terrifying, but at the same time the music kept the scene upbeat. Shadow figures played in the background. Their jazzy tune lead them up to the long steps to a looming red plantation house. Green lights flickered through its many windows and the door was wide open. A party was definitely happening somewhere.

“Sounds like fun in there,” Charlie said, a bead of sweat rolling down her temple. “I hope we’re not late.”

“Unfortunately you are.” Two figures emerged from the doorway in a beam of flashing lights. It was the two hare demons, Alastor’s personal butlers . They took both sides of stairway and stepped, snapped, step, snapped. Blaine snapped his head to the beat.

“ _Look who’s here.”_

“ _Who is here?”_

“ _These three dears.”_

“ _Aren’t they queer!?”_

“ _I believe we’ve already met before.”_

“ _We adore!”_

“ _The Signore?”_

“ _Not that whore.”_

“ _Ray you swore.”_

“ _Well we can’t love all of our master’s guests.”_

“ _We detest.”_

“ _Not the best.”_

“ _Owl’s a pest.”_

<  
p align="left">

“ _But we jest._ ” Blaine stopped mid snap. “Seriously, it’s an honor to have you all here, even this, man that Alastor has warned us about.”

“Hey well fuck you too,” Angel said. “I oughta show him what he’s missing out on.

“We’ve been told not to let that happen, but still you’re welcome.”

Charlie and Vaggie stood there with quizzical faces. This was starting to get too sing-song. “Maybe the whole cannibal thing put us on the wrong foot,” Charlie said. “Let’s try and get this right.”

“We’re going to have to keep singing won’t we?” asked Vaggie.

“ _Only if you want_.” The two butlers brought them upstairs into the great lodge of 674-8 Great Leviathan Court. From the new heights they could see the sea over the tree line and from behind a wide view of Pentagram City. The retail value of this location was something to behold.

The inside of the house was something else. “Please excuse the decorations,” Blaine noted. “The master is a fan of hunting bucks. ”

“Uh, those aren’t bucks,” Angel said. The went up and poked some of the mounts. “Are these boys alive?”

“We would love to answer that question,” said Reagan. “But it’s how my mother would say, ‘don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to.’”

Vaggie leaned into some of them and read their mantle pieces. A lot of important titles were listed. It’s what she had expected. The bastards had been up there awhile.

The two led a quick tour around the large abode. In the back the three could hear an absolute riot happening with music going and people chatting it up. “The party is in the courtyard next to the side house where all the guests sleep. Here this house is only for the master and a couple of servants.”

“Yeah, speaking of which.” Vaggie caught pace with them. “Where’s Niffty and Husk? They haven’t been home.”

Reagan groaned. “They are doing their own thing.”

Somewhere, in an entirely different part of the city, Husk had been given extra gambling cash to stay as far away from the party as possible. No point in making lightning strike twice.

“Hey kid,” Husk said. “You want anything to drink?”

Niffty brought up a menu. “Can I get the pretty one right here? It looks delicious.”

“Sure, just give me the same thing, doubled.” He gave her a small wad of the cash and a pat on the head.

“Oh sure don’t ask me for anything,” said Mimzy, sitting opposite of their table. “Why didn’t Al invite me to the party? I would’ve been great for the singin’.”

“Because the last time he brought _her_ over you nearly tore the house down, so we’re babysitting you too.”

“Wait, SHE IS THERE!?” The whole gambling table shushed her down, but there was no stopping this rage. The gambling excursion was ruined.

Reagan went into the bar at the end of the parlor. “Oh they won’t be giving us any trouble today. Would you guys like anything before meeting the other guests?”

“No, but thank you.”

“No thanks.”

“Magnum. No, triple Magnum.”

Reagan was not amused but went with it anyway. But then, the two stopped. The band outside changed tunes. The horns and piano moving to a rockin’ rhythm lead by the rising intensity of a crash cymbal.

Blaine took the two girls by the hand. “ _It’s amazing, all this singing. It surrounds_ _us_ _every day. But we’re not insane-._ ”

“But we totally are Blaine.” Reagan had the triple Magnums on hand and downed them in front of Angel.

“ _That may be why I, choose to stay_.” The two upped their pace and they whirled down the hallway toward the back entrance. Blaine let go of Vaggie to present the myriad of pictures on the wall, some with just Alastor, but plenty with the butlers. “ _I remember,_ _being a young man!_ _K_ _iller_ _, right to the core. But when_ _our lord_ _came,_ _h_ _e_ _shook_ _up_ _the whole_ _game!_ ” Blaine blew out the back doors.

“ _He is the_ _right_ _boss for me!_ ” The whole courtyard was swarming with Alastor’s servants. At first it was hard to tell but red pinstripe suits had a certain draw to it. That and they were creepy demons with a very familiar grin. All of them were in a synchronized dance with the shadow creatures playing the song. Guests were seated and pampered to at their tables and they were all enjoying the show unfold before their eyes.

Over near the hedge maze Lord Stolas was sitting cross legged with wine in hand. He took a sip. “This is a wonderful staff.”

The dance continued on the tables. “ _It is our personal pride!_ ”

“You all should come home with me.”

“ _We take our job in stride! He’ll never be denied, or_ _else_ _we will wreak ge~e~e~nocide. He is the right boss for me_!”


	5. Killer in the U.S.A.

The band slowed its tempo down to a lower tune while the sound of clapping overtook the music. Charlie and the gang were brought in and offered a spot in the great party. “You’ll be seated with the master,” said Reagan. “You should be honored.”

“Right, of course.” Charlie locked elbows with Vaggie and the two walked in step. They figured out this scenario back at the castle. Straight and purposeful movements, elegant grace, a proper bit of respect to the older demons. A few snickered at them, remembering the news fiasco from a couple months ago but Vaggie kept stern and Charlie imitated Vaggie. Everything was going well, but only because Angel caught most of the eyes be displaying himself on a particularly ancient demon.

“Hey there baby, you look like a man with good taste,” he said. “Why don’t you buy me. Fair warning, I’m pretty expensive.”

“Ohoho, indeed you are,” the demon responded with a kingly attitude. “Care to join me and the wife? I’ve never seen a demon with so much, oh my, yes.”

“I have to agree,” said his offensively young wife. “You are a treat. I have to know where you got those boots from.” Angel was seeing dollar signs.

Vaggie pulled Charlie closer. “There’s a lot of people we know around here. Do you remember Alastor back at home?”

“I think he dropped by once or twice,” Charlie answered. “But he certainly wasn’t this popular when we left.”

"Well we're on his turf now. Anything could happen. Remember, don't trust him."

The two were halfway through meeting and greeting across the courtyard when the doors to the back house blew open. The whole crowd turned as a steam of smoke billowed across the garden and a familiar voice came up.

“Ah Charlie! The other one!” Alastor said. He emerged in a pinstriped shirt. “So glad you could make it.”

Charlie gave a nervous thumbs up. “Yeah it’s been pretty good so far. Heheh.” Her trusting instinct was being supressed.

“Well ain’t that spectacular.” The music in the back ramped up again. “Ladies and Gentlemen, this lovely dear is my cherished business partner. Let it be known that I, Alastor, am partners with Charlotte Magne of Lucifer and Lilith Magne.”

“Hey, ease up bucko,” Vaggie said. “Don’t bring up her family like that.”

“Yeah, don’t use my name like that either.” Charlie stood up to him. “It’s not like I know anything about you.”

“You don’t know anything about me?” Alastor asked. The music got faster. “How could I have missed the chance?”

“What do you mean? You won’t let me have psychology sessions with you.”

“Oh that’s what you meant by that. Hahahaha!” A spotlight went over both of them. “ _Alright. Kiddo. Here we. Go! I’m Louisiana born, made in 1898. My mom and pops they_ _hit me lots and taught me how to hate._ _G_ _ot shipped to church and to the docks, I once got thrown off to the rocks. Their satanic obsessions made their state.”_

“That’s horrible!”

“ _Ah but my childhood survived by the master certified, king of jazz Big Maz_ _he took me in and made me realize, that it wasn’t what you played. You had to_ _change it and upgrade. And that’s where my skills and techniques derived!”_

“Oh, so you learned how to play?”

Alastor stopped. “Well, yes, but more importantly, _this is the tale, of Mr. A!_ _And how I was the greatest killer in the U.S.A! I learned the tricks and all the trades and learned how I could parade with a happy mask to keep the law astray!”_

Alastor took Charlie on a stroll across the garden, shaking hands with the big wigs. “ _When I was fully grown, I had reached my need to spill. So one happy night with food delight I went in for the kill! Shot them both between the eyes, then on me but big surprise, the shell’s gunpowder didn’t have it’s fill.”_

A couple shadows popped up. _“Murder Suicide! Murder Suicide! But the son survived!”_

“ _So passed seven years and deaths, I refined my craft you see. And I booked a pass and made a dash for the NYC! My music lessons taught me well and made my voice box nice and swell. I made one noise and they gave me the key!”_

“So that’s when you started being a radio DJ,” Charlie said. “That means who ended your killing spree there right?”

“Ohoho, Charlie you kidder. We’re barely at the halfway point.” Back to singing. _“It was in this strange town, that I truly understood that evil men committing sin were living here too. I made my sacred code, those wicked souls would get whats owed, and I’d make sure my shining smile set the mood.”_

“ _Sheen sheen!” some of the shadows went. “Bang bang!” And they all fell down._

“ _It was hilarious, wouldn’t you say. I_ _reported all my crimes across the U.S.A! I killed every mobster in sight, I bleached the whole city white! Then I’d read the news and they would always say-!”_

Reagan swung on a statue. _“No leading suspect!”_

“ _That’s right! By 1929, the whole country went to hell. I finished up my radio tour with 39 felled._ _I went back to my old town and was celebrated and crowned as the greatest man this city ever dwelled! Hahaha, and so I laid to rest. Spoke on the southern side. Did a radio show all the way til’ the day I died. And then I wandered here, became the man you came to fear. And I enjoy, living on this side.”_

Blaine walked up. “Yes unfortunately the master was shot by a hunter on the way back to Louisiana. Thought he was a Wendigo. The hunters’ dogs ripped him to pieces soon after. Terrible way to go.”

Everyone giggled as Alastor turned to his butler with a full grin. “Um, Blaine. We don’t talk about that part.”

“Oh...carry on.”

Alastor got the band to pick back up. “Alright fine, we’ll end it strong, end it strong- _It’s all okay! I’m here to stay. I’m still the greatest killer in the U.S.A!”_

Charlie sang. “ _But don’t you feel remorse. Why don’t you change your course?”_

“ _Because it’s so much fun!”_

“ _You’ll come undone!”_

“ _I’m finally free!”_

“ _That’s a fantasy.”_

“ _There is no changing what is done!”_

“ _That doesn’t mean you haven’t won!”_

“ _Of course I won! I’m all powerful, wouldn’t you say!? And it’s all because I was. A. Killer in the U.S.A!”_

A thunderous applause took over as the nobles congratulated him on his spectacle. Alastor and crew gave a charitable bow. Truly magnificent, they would say. After a moment passed Alastor took Charlie and Vaggie by the shoulders. “Come, sit with me! I’m waiting on two more guests. Let’s eat shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter will be Rosie's and Alastor's duet.


	6. Jolly Holiday

The party began to wind down for a bit while everyone started moving around. Demons exchanged tables, either to meet with new ventures or to get closer to the two head honchos over in the corner. On the other side of the party Angel had the couple in his grasps.

“Say, let’s blow this joint why don’t we?” Angel asked, displaying himself for his prey. “I think I can give you guys a real treat.”

The mustachioed man laughed. “Hohoho, you’ve got me in your web sir. You’re so, long. I have to have you.”

“As do I.” The wife took Angel’s face. “I know what you can do with that web spitter of yours.”

Angel was about to move in for the kill when he heard something gurgling behind him. He turned around. Some creatures were peeking over the table.

“Jesus Christ who let you in!?” he yelled before being onset by a dozen cannibal munchkins.

Back at Alastor’s table, the two girls were given something to eat. It was the same one everyone was getting, some kind of grilled lamb with briskets on the side. Meat upon meat. Alastor took no part in his

“So let me get this straight,” Charlie asked, leaning back with a paper and pen in hand. “You were incredibly powerful the moment you entered Hell and you demolished Overlord Zed’s empire over because because he looked at you funny?”

“That’s correct.”

“Hmmm. How does that make you feel?”

“...Pretty great!” Alastor laughed. He didn’t know how fun shrink appointments were before this moment. “Mind you I didn’t follow him anywhere. He came to me with his whole entourage.”

“That’s an oddly specific denial,” Vaggie groaned. She’s seen this kind of guy before. “You’re trying tell me this ‘code’ of yours is real?”

“Oh dear, I don’t need to prove it. I live it every day.”

“She does have a point,” Charlie said. “What’s the point of having a code if you’re still a violent murderer?”

“To be fair I haven’t been killing in quite a while. It’s not as fun as it used to be. You blow one person to smithereens you’ve blown them all.” Angel made some comment in the background. “That’s why I have the hotel and this upcoming side project. To find more passion in my life.” Alastor stopped. A black hole emerged from the center of the courthouse. “Ah would you look at that. Velvet has arrived.” Charlie cursed.

The guests kept their distance. For some this wasn’t their first introduction to the Lady of Wonderland. In fact, the truly smart gentlemen were indoors watching from the windows, because once the hole got big enough it spouted a caustic haze of dark energies. Black goop spilled from the gross center and the crowd was greeted with several of Wonderlands fine creations. Creatures emerged and scouted the area, all walking around with their denial to scientific truths and twisting gangly bodies. They released a guttural screech that, when combined, made a sort of harmony. They would be the choir for their lady’s entrance. A small bastardization of a mouse grabbed everyone’s attention.

“Please,” it said in a shrill squeak. “Let us greet a most glorious girl, of sweetness, love and raw evil, Velvet!”

Velvet emerged. She was dressed for the occasion, her long pink pigtails merged into one long braid. She looked insane as always, but that went without explaining. The party waited for her to speak.

“Shit,” Velvet said. “I thought there was going to be less people here.”

Before the crowd could get an idea of what she was talking about the less behaved of her wonderland friends began shifting into even more terrifying monsters. One of them swung out its arm and some poor sod went splat like a squishy meat balloon. That got everybody really motivated. Luckily there was a maze to hide in for a good portion of the crowd, except not really once a dog abomination got in. Alastor went up to shake the odd girl’s hand.

“Glad you could make it Velvet,” he said. “But please, keep your compatriots out of trouble. I’m trying to be a good host.”

“Sorry Al,” she responded. “But I can barely control myself. Beside, Rosie’s crew seems to be having fun as well.” They took a moment to watch Angel being run down by the monstrous munchkins. Alastor realized the party may have been getting out of hand. “Is there any reason why everyone’s here?”

“To be frank dear, I just want an audience. You, me (Stolas) and Rosie together-.” Alastor looked up and saw a speck in the sky. “Speak of the devil! Rosie my darling!”

Rosie waved back. She flowed in the breeze on her parasol as if she didn’t weigh a thing. A shining example of elegance and grace. Then the umbrella snapped and she plummeted like an anvil.

Alastor stood there dumbfounded. “...I’ll be right back,” and he vanished into the shadows.

Charlie and Vaggie stood there and considered their options. “Should we follow him?” Considering the eldritch abominations around them, the answer was yes.

Back at the entrance to the plantation, a group of dinner guests were trying to open up the gate before a multi-mouthed demon could bite off a chunk of them.

“Please, somebody help us!” one of them yelled. At that exact moment, the group looked up and right on cue, Rosie fell from the sky and crushed three of the crowd goers like pancakes. She sat there for a moment, as if that was on purpose while the nobles still intact ran like cowards.

“Oh dear, my parasol,” she said. “Seems the quality of these tools have gone down. I’ll have to get another.” She pointed it at the demon and disintegrated it with a laser beam. “Can’t have ditry things like those around here can’t we?”

“I wouldn’t be too sure,” Alastor appeared in front of her. “We all have to have our own fun out here.”

“Alastor! _It’s been_ _two weeks!”_

“ _Two weeks?”_

“ _Two weeks!”_

“ _Two weeks!?”_

“ _It’s been a dreadful month Al. Hell has contagious horrors galore, but it’s over now._ I’m dreadfully sorry for missing the musical.”

“The music wasn’t the same without you dear.” Alastor pulled her up and the two shared a warm embrace. “You also missed a ‘killer’ number from me earlier.”

Rosie smirked. _“_ Oh really? You started the party without me? _”_

Alastor chuckled as the band kicked up again. _“Oh it wouldn’t be a party without you Rose._ _Your charm can set this world ablaze.”_ He showed her the way. _“Let’s catch up and dance and maybe who knows? We’ll teach these sluggish sinners of our ways.”_

Charlie and Vaggie caught the two while making their rendezvous to the top. Charlie’s heart throbbed. “Are you feeling that Vaggie?”

“I think I am, but I can’t believe it.”

The radio demon gave the mademoiselle a twirland left her to spin for a second before catching her in his arms. They shared a stare with each other. Then, with natural choreography she shot herself into the air and descended with fluttering grace. She hooked her arm on the drop and continued. _“_ _I_ _woul_ _dn’t expect any thing less from you Al. Your showmanship has no compare._ _If you wish to dance with me then of course I shall, but our colleagues seem to be in quite a scare.”_

“Haha, your right!” Alastor snapped his fingers and his red suited servants lined up like clockwork. “Bring some order to Velvet’s friends. I don’t want any distractions.”

Rose snapped her fingers and the munchkins lined up on her end. “Behave little children or Rosie is going make dinner out of you tonight.”

Both parties listened to their Overlords and scrambled, though some of them hooked up to back up their beloved leaders as they had their moment.

“ _There’s nothing as relaxing as a walk dear,”_ Alastor sang. _“Especially with a lady in her prime! How have you been?”_

“ _I’ve been alright.”_

“ _Committing sin?”_

“ _My spirit’s white.”_

“ _That cunning illness?”_

“ _Completely_ _gone_ _.”_

“ _Such rapid quickness!”_

“ _I must press on!_ _I’ll never have that spot again. Can’t show the_ _frailty I’ve been_ _._ _There once was two and now it’s me. I’ll show responsibility!_ _”_

Alastor took her by the chin. _“Have you considered smiling?”_

Rosie’s face glowed up. _“Absolutely darling._ _It’s not hard to show some cheer, when you are near. Your wit makes all my problems disappear. Oh it’s so lovely to be here now, especially since I get to be with you!_ _”_

The two livened up their routine with a merry dance that the whole staff followed. Charlie was drooling out the sight, half from the entertainment and half from the ideas that she was formulating in her head. Vaggie had to push her out of it.

Stolas walked out to see what the fuss was about. “Do they always act like that around each other?”

“Pretty much,” Velvet answered.

The two bounced into the air and fluttered down as if they weighed nothing and with a kick they were up the stairs. “ _This world is so much classier with you Rose,”_ Alastor sang. _“A lady like you is one of a kind. You’re stern and in command. You make your stand. You’re the greatest woman in the whole damned land!_ _Oh it’s a lovely day to be with you Rose. No wonder you’re the Rosie that I...enjoy!”_

Rosie chuckled and played off it. “ _Well I think_ _the_ _world needs gentlemen like you Al. I’m fairly sure that heaven has its fill. You’re prideful and alive. You make your stride. You make your_ _quality_ _known far and wide._ _Oh it’s so jolly to be here with you Al. No wonder you’re the Ally that I appreciate!”_

Alastor laughed. “That last line was a bit off dearie.” The crowd and crew applauded anyway.

“Well you messed up your end too.”

“Ha! Looks like we both may be getting a little rusty. Come sit down! The show hasn’t truly started yet.”


	7. BITCH ARE YOU FOR REAL!?

In the span of two hours, Charlie and Vaggie got what could be considered a crash course in how Overlords talk. It wasn’t enough that the garden was filled with top notch demons with their entourages, not to mention the barely in control monsters whimpering in the corner. No, they had to be in the same seating space of two of the top twenty five demons in all of Hell, by Vaggie’s estimation. The lord and lady couldn’t stop for a second.

“So some gentleman walked into my store and started shouting ‘you’re that bitch from the movie theater who told me to kill people!’” Rosie said. “And I replied, ‘I had never seen a movie in my life good sir. Explain yourself, and mind your language.’ And you know what he said? ‘Well you told me that a spoonful of sugar helps the poison go down!’”

“That does sound like you,” Alastor answered.

Rosie broke face. “You’re getting ahead of it! Long story short, I simply said ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about,’ and then one of my colleagues walked up and ripped his face off. Hahahaha! I didn’t even see it coming! But that’s where I got the phrase from. Was there anything else dearies?”

Charlie sat there like a frozen statue. Lesson number one on working with Overlords with manners, don’t fight one. Lesson two: tell them to stop talking at some point. “I’m good, thank you.”

“I think you broke the mademoiselle,” Alastor prodded.

“Well I get excited very easily,” Rosie said. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been with such good company.”

“Speaking of company, Velvet, how’s the Lord treating you?”

The table looked over to see Stolas in the same chair he’s been in since the beginning. Velvet had managed to withstand his own verbal assault with her social defenses.

“So yes,” Stolas said. “If you want to have real style in the Grand Palace, you’re going to want to get a sentient hat like mine. He looks and emotes just like I do.”

“Fascinating,” she replied. “It’s been three thousand four hundred fifty three hours since the Dark Child has had any movement beneath Hell’s core.”

“...Hahaha! You and your strange comments. Now back to dressing up.” Third lesson of the Overlord crash course: even other Overlords should follow rule two.

“That reminds me.” Alastor rose from his seat. “Before we go crazy and start killing each other, let me grab something that we can really fight over.”

The red suited demon walked off, leaving the ladies to themselves. Rosie gave them a toothy grin, making an unspoken promise that she wouldn’t eat them yet. “You two have such wonderful posture. Very impressive.”

Vaggie almost broke down from the complement, but she kept her form. “I used to work at the Palace so I had to be at attention for hours at a moment’s notice. It’s nothing.”

“You two must’ve known each other for quite awhile. It’s obvious how close you are.”

“Yeah,” Charlie blushed. Some scandalous thoughts rolled into her head, making her shake with excitement.

“It’s just consideration for other people,” Vaggie said. “You and Alastor seem to have something close too, like that Mary Poppins musical with the Dyke guy.”

“Oh that’s it!” Rosie laughed. “That’s what people think I am. Oh how silly of me. Now I feel some kind of remorse.” She took a sip of her tea. “But yes I’ve known that demon for quite awhile. In fact I first met him when he was doing his initial rampage in 1933.”

“Oh yeah that’s right.” Vaggie brushed her fingers through her hair. “I remember hearing about that. They say you were one of the first people that stopped his wave of terror.”

“Well I wouldn’t say stopped. Al was very brash when he came to Hell. Very...arrogant. He did have that immediate raw power though. It was something that took me decades to build toward. Still, I was no helpless woman. We fought like madmen for an entire night shooting, stabbing, manifesting powers from the deep reaches of Hell. He had such a cocky attitude, but when I defeated him it took the sails right out of him. Despite all that power he was still a Sinner like me. He had to accept that some people were going to be more powerful than him no matter what. It crushed him.”

“Sounds like he got what he deserved. If I came here and it was some kind of Alastor City Central I would’ve booked it out of the city day one.”

Rosie kept going. “However, instead of plotting his revenge like I expected he consolidated his winnings, asserted his authority over his new business and came back to me to apologize for his behavior. Of course I still didn’t trust him, but after I got to know the man I somewhat grew a fondness for him.” She giggled. “He is a true gentleman. I’m sure you know.”

Vaggie had to hold back her laughter on that one.

“We buried our grudge right there and we’ve been companions ever since,” Rosie said. She stirred the spoon in her tea cup. Her eyes wandered across the garden. “Can’t say it’s the worst conclusion to a scuffle like that. I get someone who visits every week, comes over for tea, dances and sings songs with me, plays croquet, makes rum punch. Really livens up the world for me. Hell has its amusing ways of bringing people together doesn’t it?”

Charlie was vibrating with a precious grin on her face. “That! Is! Too! Cute!” She got on the table. “I knew it! You two are perfect for each other! I’ve never seen Alastor look at someone so lovingly as you and you’re just so...uweeeheehee! Tell me! What’s it like? Is he a good kisser? Do you have any adopted children? What’s the sex life like? Hmmhmmhmm!? Sorry, that’s my mom talking. So?”

Rosie needed at least seconds to process all of that information but once she did she burst into the biggest bout of laughter ever seen. The entire party could hear her wheezing. Charlie lied there wondering what was so funny.

“Oh you, you sweet naive codfish,” she said. “We’re not in that sort of relationship at all. I don’t love him, and he doesn’t love me.”

“W-What?” Charlie asked. Her heart was breaking. “But the dancing and the singing and the cutesy talk.”

“I mean yes we’re very close friends.”

“And the pet names and the reminiscing tones of your voice and that longing stare.”

“He is someone I care about more than most people.”

“So how is that not love!?”

Rosie thought about it. “I have an answer for this. You two.” She pointed them out. “Would you say that you adore each other more than anything, even yourselves?”

Charlie and Vaggie looked at each other and in perfect sync gave a resolute “yep.”

“And that if either of you were in some terrible peril you’d save them no matter the cost?”

“That’s right.”

“And if given the chance to gain more power by sacrificing your loved one you would not do it?”

“Correctamundo.”

“That is the difference,” she snickered, standing from her seat. She towered over Charlie. “If I was given a reason to eliminate Alastor for more power I’d do it in a heartbeat. And he would do the exact same. We Overlords are not like other demons. We’re in this for ourselves, so remember that darling before you make a mistake like that again.”

“As a daughter of two Overlords,” Charlie said. “I respectfully disagree.”

“Is that so?” The black pits in Rosie’s eyes were getting blacker. A hand was reaching out.

“Hello girls, I’m back!” Alastor said. “What did I miss?”

“Oh nothing,” Rosie replied. “They’re just talking nonsense about the ‘relationship’ we have.”

“If we’ve moved to that kind of relationship then I wasn’t informed! But enough banter. Let’s get down to business shall we?”

As Alastor and Rosie strutted off, Charlie slumped back into her seat with a new damper on her mood. “I guess people like Alastor are heartless.”

“I could’ve told you that,” Vaggie replied. “C’mon, let’s find our pink spider and get out of here.”


	8. It's Time for Big Fun!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just learned about creepy text! I'll try to keep it limited from now on.
> 
> Next Chapter will be the conclusion.

A general meeting was called for. The big four on this side of the pentagram assembled for their contribution. Stolas: Natural born demon and general for Lucifer himself. Velvet: Keeper of Wonderland and social media entrepreneur. Rosie: Businesswoman extraordinaire and ward of the Cannibal Colony, and Alastor: Radio Demon, host and master of theatrics. They gathered in a circle.

“Ladies and Gentleman,” Alastor said. “I’ve brought you here today for a business of vital importance.” He pulled out an encrusted jewel and placed it on the table. The four of them looked over it from each side.

“A battery?” Stolas asked. “You brought us here for a battery?”

“It’s a pretty big one,” Velvet said. “Probably power half a city with this.”

“Yes, well this one was custom made.”

“Ooh, classy.”

“Very bourgeois.”

“Very indeed, but you can probably tell it’s not, erm, on. I had something just like it not too long ago. Y’know, put a few years of excess juice for a rainy day. Sent it over to be topped off when SOMEONE’S daughter went and broke it.”

“Not my problem.” Stolas gave a shit eating grin. “Can’t fault me for your shitty delivery service.”

“Anyway. We need to fill this up immediately so that the contraption I’m having built can run. We already have most of the pieces of our fun little weekend excursion in order. To get this party rolling, we need to fill this baby up with the most potent energy of all. Soul energy!”

Rosie squinted. “Why don’t we just get some of these gentlemen around here to fill it for us. I’m sure no one will notice a few missing high class demons.”

“I thought about that...” He had a point to make but he was reconsidering. The temptation passed. “No it would take a lot of them to fill this up and I’d prefer to have friends by the end of this.”

“Then why don’t you do it Alastor?” Stolas asked. “This whole fiasco is your idea. You should take responsibility.”

“Oh it’d hurt like Hell if it was just me. It’d be better if we split this evenly. Even the burden am I right?”

“No can do,” Velvet said. “I’m not letting go of my power for a second.”

“Neither will I.”

“I believe it’s unanimous Ally,” Rosie said. “We’re not giving you anything.”

“Well that’s not going to very good for the takeover, so as partners I’d like to propose a wager.”

The three of them leaned in. “What kind of wager?”

“You see-.”

While Alastor’s explanation went on, Angel exited the guest house with satisfaction written all over his face. He adjusted his hot pants. “’Ey that was a good fuck you two. Call me up if you’d like to have more big fun with me snoockums.” The couple was lying in the corner half naked with faces of pure ecstasy. “Now, lets get a real meal shall we? Huh?”

A group of munchkins were waiting for him outside the door. They were staring him down with gritted teeth.

“You wouldn’t fucking dare would you?” Angel said.

The Munchkins looked back at the Overlords. Their argument was getting heated. Dare they would.

“Oh please Alastor,” Stolas sighed. “We’re not going to bargain soul energy over a croquet game.”

“Do you even know how to play?” Velvet asked.

“Why would you ask such a brazen question?” Alastor said, tugging his collar. “I’m being completely reasonable here.”

“As much as I’d enjoy thrashing him in croquet, we shouldn’t settle this through games,” said Rosie. “We have to do this properly.”

The arguing stopped the second Rosie heard a Munchkin fly over the iron fence. Angel had pulled out his baseball bat and was going home run on their asses.

“That’s fucking it!” he screamed. “I’m done with fucking cannibals! And yeah you too!” He whacked one of Alastor’s henchmen into a table with four other guests. Those guests had had enough shit as well and started attacking the staff, the Munchkins, and Angel. A wave of raw frustration took over the party and everything descended into a brawl.

Stolas gave a creepy grin. “You know I have a better idea.”

Velvet starting getting pumped up. “Settle this like demons do?”

“I guess it’s time to set up the pecking order,” Rosie said.

Alastor’s eyes darted left and right. He picked up the jewel and placed it on his person for safe keeping.

Charlie and Vaggie stood at the back door, ready to get out of there when they felt the tension in the area. A low rumbling rattle the garden. The shadow band were picking up for a finale. Vaggie pulled on Charlie’s dress. “C’mon, let’s go. Charlie run!”

The entire party exploded sky high. Buckshot Ridge crumbled away, the garden had a new crater in it and everyone was thrown around in a vortex of raw energy, a hurricane of malice. Vaggie went into free fall.

“ _Can a girl get a day without complications!”_ She grabbed Charlie. “ _I am sick, fucking pissed with this_ _goddamn ruination_ _! I just wanna go, watch some shows with my girlfriend._ _But_ _I can’t do that if I’m_ _stuck in this damnation_ _!”_

Vaggie braced the fall for Charlie as they slammed into the ground. Everything around them was chaos with monsters running rampant everywhere and lethal bolts of magic. Charlie helped her bruised girlfriend and started blasting.

“ _I thought_ _that_ _we could live without_ _complications_ _!”_ she sang. Her finger guns hit an abomination between the eyes. “ _Thought there_ _w_ _ould be love but_ _their_ _ego’s overtaken! Can these crazy overpowered_ _jerks_ _try to_ _not act like my dad._ _Cause_ _I don’t wanna have to live with even more frustration!”_

Vaggie got back up and the two stood back to back while Angel was running around like a spastic chicken. Every bit of misfortune given to him today was not going to let up. He found an intact piece of wall and stuck to it.

“Can a guy get _an out for this fucking situation!”_ Angel sang. “ _These numskull rejects got no communication. I’m sure if sat down and we talked, just for a sec.”_ He found his machine gun. “ _I could say fuck you fuck you fuck you fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyouAAAAA!”_

The firestorm of chaos took over the entire corner of pentagram city. Folks far and wide watched the torrent of suffering spin uncontrollably throughout that rare part of town. The multi-colored spectacle was something gone unseen for quite a while and inside of it held even greater power.

Stolas had gotten out of his seat and was pestering the dark child herself as if he wasn’t trying. “Oh you poor insignificant Sinners. You’re a newborn compared to me and my power. Do you really think you’re going to prove anything by not dying quicker?”

Velvet dodged several more fire missiles and countered back by shattering the semblance of reality and time around them. “You’re pretty old bird guy, but some of the guys around my head are just as old, and they’re telling me _y̴̧̰̺͋͊ọ̸̞̉̀ȗ̴͉̕ͅ ̵͔͙͖͝ò̷̡̖̓u̴̳͗ͅg̸̣̒͂h̶̺͓͑ṫ̷̤ą̶̩͆ ̸̡̦̊͜p̴̮̈́̍u̵̡̦̔̆ṯ̵͒̉̓ ̵̰̿̊ṱ̸̺̣͊h̸̝̺̓å̶͍͈͇̂t̶͖̔ ̵̭̲̏̚m̴̺͂͗̉o̴͙͍̹ŭ̷̺̪̀͊ṫ̷̡͇͓h̸͖̮͕̃͛̏ ̵̣̘͇̍͛͐s̴̛̠̭̄̂o̷̫͇̓͌̕͜m̶͇̳̊̃͝e̷͕̒̓w̶͍̗̥̋̀̄h̵͙̏͂̾ȩ̵̟̊̏r̸̹̄͘͝e̴̝̟̒ ̸̨͂̓̓ȇ̸̢͉̪̽̇l̵̥̇̚͝s̶̟̉̐͜e̵̮̊͒ ̶̲̻̂̋̓y̷̮͉̐̈̐ọ̶̗͇̋̚ų̷̗̲̑͆̇ ̶̩͎̓d̵̢͖͓͋̈́é̴̲͌̄g̶̤̥͂ͅe̵̖̜̋͌n̸̬͌e̶̱̩͝r̶͖̆̂̈a̸̞̔t̴̡̬͛͒ͅë̷̗̬́̃͝ ̵̢̬͓̕C̴͎̒̑͜ā̴̙̥̻̌l̸͍͉̤̋͘i̴̗̓̾͊͜g̸͔̭̏̒ȗ̸̧l̴͈̤͍̅a̵͎͎̅!̷̤̪̅̆͝_

Stolas looked around with bemusement. “Cute.” And then he went and un-fucked reality. Just in time to be bitch slapped across the face by a black tentacle. “Who did that!?” he asked, so the tentacle slapped him harder before a fireball cooked him like the poultry he was.

“Wow, would you look at that,” Velvet said cutely. “I guess I didn’t have to go too crazy.”

“I agree,” Rosie said. Velvet turned around in shock. The area was empty, but Rosie’s voice was so clear. “You’re much too cute to be crazy.”

Velvet turned around again and say no one. “Everyone’s saying you’re here but w̵̦̃͋h̷̠̄ḙ̴̹̉ŕ̸̫͇̖͛͝e̷̙̐͆?̸̱̃” Rosie was still behind her. At least, her head was. The decapitated demon opened her mouth and rows of teeth filed into place. She chomped on her head. The shriek was ear piercing.

“You’re so delicious darling,” Rosie said, her voice muffled by the cannibalism. “I could just eat you up.” The strings connecting her disembodied head to her body pulled tighter. Her segmented limbs wrapped around the maiden’s limbs and stretched her back, as if hoping she’d snap the girl in two. Velvet tried changing reality again but Rosie kept getting scarier each time it changed.

“Uncle! Uncle! I give!” she cried.

“There’s no uncle here. There’s only aunt Rosie.” Her giggle grew louder as she got more of Velvet’s head in her mouth.

Velvet was about ready to pray to god when another massive tentacle smacked them all aside. Rosie went flying and Velvet went headfirst into a lamp post. She slid all the way to the bottom. “I’m alive?” She asked. “Cool. Selfie for the occasion.” Then a bunch of spirits came over and beat her to a pulp.

Rosie floated across the sky, her mass of thin spindly wires keeping her connected and grounded. Her body stretched for a mile. Below her Alastor approached, not having been touched this entire bout. “Hey Rosie! That’s two to your zero,” he said. “Are you sure that this is a fair fight?”

“You know exactly what to say to make me angry,” she replied. “Hitting the food right out of my mouth? That’s very rude of you sir.”

“It is isn't it!?” Alastor adjusted his bow-tie. “You know, it’s so exciting to see you so up and at ‘em. We finally get to finish that story from a hundred years ago.”

“I think you mean to get even. But it’s no matter.”

“Aren’t you scared at all? You had that pet of yours Franklin last time that and she pulled a lot of weight. Hohoho! What and unfortunate accident!”

“True, but who said it was an accident?” Rosie’s face was one for the nightmares.

Alastor’s grin took over his entire face. His small antlers branched out into terrifying horns and the red in his eyes went all white. A heavy breath flowed out of him. “I have an idea,” he said. “This next song has an explosive kick to it. Follow along if you know the words.” A series of multi-colored rockets spawned next to Alastor, each with a happy smile on the cone.

“Oh I love this song.” She did the same.

Charlie, Angel and Vaggie reunited to see the two about to blow each other away. Vaggie pulled them back a few hundred feet and stood up front. “Alright everyone, back up behind me.” She sighed.

“IIIIIIIIIIIIt’s _a!”_ They launched their salvo. “ _Super-mega-_ _ballististic-music-guided-missile! Even though it’s fantasy and it’s quite infantile, it’s got that kind of spectacle that makes it all worthwhile!_ _Super-mega-_ _ballististic-music-guided-missile!_ ” Their rockets hit each other and they were blown sky high. Charlie and the gang flew halfway through the Cannibal Colony.

Alastor flew gracefully before he teleported back to the ground. “ _Since when I was a little kid I always took the stage. If anyone tried to usurp then they would face my rage. You’re stepping on my gay old time and I would wish you’d quit. But you are just the same as me and that you will admit!”_

Alastor looked up. His verse distracted him long enough for Rosie to flatten him like a pancake. He swore he didn’t look up.

“ _You Silly-_ _psyche-narcissisty-self-obsessive-_ _half-wit_ _!”_ Rosie sang. “ _Even though you are a gent you_ _can’t understand this Brit_ _. If you think there’s imperfection then you must be wrong. It’s just some pride so don’t you cry, it’s simply ‘cause I’m strong!”_

Alastor caught her in a mass of tentacles and pulled himself back up. At this point there was nothing left of the ridge, just a barren wasteland with the two of them in the center. Rosie broke free from the binds and the two stared down, not willing to budge for an instance. A guttural choir spun from their mouths.

“̵̫̜̆̄S̸͉͊I̸̲͝ͅL̴͍͔̎L̵̘͊Y̴͇̰̑̔-̸̣̜͛͝P̶͖͙̽̒S̷̝̅͐Y̶̘͔̓Č̷̻̦͛H̸͆͜E̶̼̫͐͝-̶͚̪͑Ņ̶̞͂Ȁ̷̹̘̕Ŕ̸̬Ĉ̵̦͝Ḭ̶͖͛̇S̶̜͌̓Ś̴͜İ̸̜S̶͖T̶͕͋͠Ỷ̷̗-̷̤͗͋S̷̤͐̅Ë̵̜̟L̶̗͊F̷̰̒-̴̬̫̏͒O̵̩̓B̵̥̃S̵̹̈́͘͜Ẽ̵̥̈́Ṣ̴̄̑S̸̥̉İ̸̢͉V̵͎̽E̵͓̯̚͠-̶̻̪̈H̷̱̽̉Ą̷͂L̷̦̱̾F̴͈͐-̸̲͓̊Ẁ̵͎̳͛I̶̱̦̋̐T̵̻͔͋S̴̠͖̓͐!̸̙̑͝ ̸͈̺̏M̷̧͂̽A̴̞͓Ỉ̴̯M̸̧͉͂͂ ̵̰̉A̴̜͋̄N̵̖̥̍͠D̸̞̏ͅ ̴̗̇Ḿ̵̞͗U̵̡͌̋͜Ṛ̸͇Ḍ̶͍̅Ḙ̸̍̓R̸̟̠̅ ̷̪̊E̵̢͓̍V̴͎̲̂Ĕ̴̬̇Ŗ̶̑̍͜Y̶̲͒́T̷͖̙̋̆H̷͍͕̾͠I̸̟͊Ņ̷̱͘Ġ̵̫ ̶̪̒A̷͎̔N̷͔͙̕͘D̶̡̙̓ ̸̼̔̽N̸͚̂̓Ọ̵̾̈Ț̷̫̎̈́ ̶̮̎T̸̳̍̃H̴͉͗̾I̴͉͝N̸̬̂͊K̷̡̘̊ ̵͚̉M̷̻͈̌̓Ȕ̵̢C̵̪͕̐H̴̤̺̽ ̴̡̭̔Ä̴̼̣Ḅ̴͚̇̄Ö̷̼́͠U̸̥̭̚T̷̲͓́͗ ̶̘̜͘I̵̘̜̐Ṭ̷̓ ̷̦͗!̴̨̎̒ ̶̼̅W̷̘̾̚E̴̖̾ ̸̧̼̒̂D̴̫̹͝Ê̷̡͕͘M̴̛̤̌A̴͖͓͌Ǹ̴̠̝D̶̹̿̆ ̴̣̆E̵͙V̴̨̪͌̎Ẽ̶̫͒Ŗ̶̳̄̉Ÿ̵͈͔O̸̤ͅN̷̳͉̈́Ě̴͍͌'̷̨̳̆̽S̷̤̲̍͘ ̷̢̠̈L̵̫͔͑̈́Õ̵͓V̸̞͗E̵̡̮̾̿ ̴̰̈Ḅ̸̝̿U̴͍͂͘T̵͈̂ͅ ̶̗̣̿͠W̸̡̩̊Ė̸̻̟ ̶̪͂C̷̬̪͠Ả̶̞N̶̰͋͝'̷͈̦̓̂T̶̯̎ ̵͚͚̉͛G̴͚̑̍I̸͍̍V̸̟Ẽ̷͉͗ ̷̲̰͗͝Į̸̔̏Ť̵͎͘ ̶͕͔͑́B̵͉̈́A̵̠̾̚C̸͔̈́ͅK̶͉̳̒!̴̪̍̈ ̴̬̐̂D̵̄͜Ö̸͚͉́Ṋ̴͉͝'̴͎̲͒T̵͎̈́ ̴̩̏͐L̶̨̊͂Ǒ̷̲̽O̶̰̤͐Ḵ̶̨̐ ̸̘̓A̶̲̘̓T̵͎̀̐ ̸̩͍̽̕T̸̍̄͜H̶̢̖͛̈Ē̸͍̟̈́M̸͙̦̌̑ ̴̥̭̉͌J̴̣̙̽́U̷͖̅S̶̄ͅT̸͇̃͗ ̵̡͓͊̈L̴͔͕͒̈́O̴̹͔̾͊O̴̻̐͝K̵͖̳̊ ̴̧͐̚A̴̝͗T̷̝̄ ̶̢͋Ḿ̷̳Ȅ̴̬ ̴̗̿B̶̬́͆Ẻ̶ͅC̴͈̑A̷̼͙̚U̴̳͆̇S̶͚̺̄E̶̮͝ ̴̧̔I̵̠̤̊T̵̞̎'̵͚̓S̴̥͗́ ̶̼̎͜L̴̟̓Ő̷͜V̴̨̺̑̇E̸̡̖̔ ̵̻̥̿̉W̶̫͍̄̇E̴̝͆ ̴̦̯̀L̴̞͘Ǎ̸͔͔C̴̝͎͛͛Ḳ̷̝̓!̴̞̾"̵̧͙͒

“̴̧̤͎͕̐S̶̮̒I̶̖͒̽̏͝L̵̖̟̾̃͝L̸̡̆̃Ỷ̸̞̻̯̖͒̍̄-̴̛̘̼͆̅P̷̫̈́̓̓̇S̴͇͎̬͋͠Ỳ̵̧̟̓̾͝Ĉ̵̖̣͘͠H̷̫̩͓͗E̶̩̙͋͘-̸͍̺̣̒ͅN̵̮̆A̶̟͛R̵̼̦̩̈́C̴͉̰̎̎͊İ̸͇Ș̴͈͑̂̔̚Ş̸̺̟̰̒͑͠I̶̹̰̦̩̿̾͘S̸̬̉T̴̨̰͗Ȳ̴̡̬͔͑́̈́-̴̛̭̠͌͌ͅŠ̴͍̩͉̪͆Ē̸̪͖L̴̢͍̅̏F̶̱̫͑͘-̶̏ͅO̸̬̰͂B̵̟͎̥̏̚S̷̢̲̥̪̽É̷̤̭S̵͔͗͐S̵̱̮̖͊̾I̴̩͇̋̎͐̕V̵̛̛̤̉͐E̵̡͛-̴̞͎̋H̶͓̫̤̒̐̒͜͠A̴͙̠̯̾L̷̹͖͆̋͝F̸͈̫͊̑͛͝-̴̹̔ͅW̶͙̄̓̂I̸͙͈̣̘̾͛̒T̸͕͆̎̾S̸̠̄̓͘!̸͔͎͚͑͜"̴̧̜̱̖̒͘

“̶͙̤̙͎̺͒̏͜S̴̰͍͕̉̈͌͒͠͝Ȋ̵͇́̈́̑͘L̵̨̧͉͙̮̒̉̋͊̆L̶͎̹̖̍̑̽̅̏Y̶̲̦̯͙̞̆͐̅͘-̸̧̰̣͙͑̅͗̋P̵̡̥͍̘͙̌͂̅̋͝Ş̴̭͚̝͂͑̆̐ͅŶ̷̙̗̺̥̺̽̉C̸̰͙̺̗̪̞̑̓̓̀̕͝Ḩ̷͙̦͎̠̏̀E̶̗͍̼͉̟̲͗͂͌-̷̮̽͒̈̃N̷͚͛̊̋̑A̴̪͙̺̦̝̍͠͝R̸͖̠̩̽C̵͉̉̔̐I̴̙̭̘̒̈́S̷̑̋͊͒̓ͅS̸̢̡̡̮͔͔̾̈́̉̑I̸̡̝̳̜͑̃̈́̈́S̶̡̩̗͎̯̄̈́̚T̷̟͍͖Y̵̳̳̳̰̓̂̚͠-̴̯̝̋̐̍S̷̹͚̗̒̒E̶̱̰̥̓̽̕Ļ̵̢̗͚͘͠F̶̘̰̻̰̟͊̔͒͂͂-̷̨̰͇̈̕͘͝O̴̭͙̻̱B̷͖̎̎͛͋͘̕Š̷̲̹̈Ę̶̖͍͚̿̉̅S̸͇͍̆̓͑̾S̶̨̭͑̈́̈́Ȉ̴̧̛̩̺͔̚͘͝V̶̰̫̈̔̽̈́̓̀E̷̤͎͙̿̿̒̚-̷͖̩̉̇H̴̜̙͋̿̃̇̅ͅA̴̺͇͓̟̓̀L̸̘̰͇̓̇̆͌ͅF̸̨̖̩̪̖̼̃-̸̡̢̫͎̏W̴͕͛̾̑̽͗̓I̸̻̩͠Ṱ̴͚͉̣́͌̕S̴̺̘͛̕!̴̭̗̲̣͉̠͐̿"̸̮̍͠ ̸̫͙̽́͋͝

“Silly Psyche Narcissisty Self-Obsessive Half Wits?”

“̵̯̣̞̞̝̃͋S̶̢̤̲̝̗͍̗̱͌͂̓̈́̕͠Ì̵͕͆̿̉͂͋͝L̸̘̱͌̔̆͂̂̈́͛̕̚L̷̺̊̀͘͜Y̴̜͉̱̹̜̗̮̱̽͒-̴̡̝̮̰̟̭̘͑͊̾͌͠͠P̶̠̝̞̠̬̫̗͍̟͊͆͝S̸͎͍̞̺̮̃͗̍̍̐Y̸̡̨̭̱̩̮͕̻͂̽̈́̾̔̕C̶͇̍̅̿́̉̇͑͘Ḫ̴̬͕̝̞̗̐̔ͅE̵̞͌-̶̡̨̛͖̖͋̿̓ͅŅ̶͓̞̺̣̠͎̞̗̐̈́̈́̆͝Ã̶̹̫̜̮̬R̷̡̢̯̈́̍̃̅̎C̴͖̺̤̼͙͖̒̌̒̅̚͘I̸̩̖̘̲̾͒̍̚S̴̢̢̙͔̰̾̉͛̓͝S̵̛̮̫̥̥̭̯͎̭̟̐̊́͗I̷̠̫͉͂͒̅̃͌͂S̸̱̗̹͉̗͈̿Ṱ̸̛̂͂̿͗͆̽̒͘Y̷̤̍̅͛̊̒͝-̵̡̢̪̝̟͇̇̽͆̀̌̓̍̚͠S̸̩͙̻̈́̽͠Ȅ̵̜͇̺͋̉̇̎͆L̸̯̤͎̗̈́̅̑͊͐̚̕͝F̶͕̲͎͇͌͊̇͘-̸͔̰̪̻̱͋̉̈́̉̃͠O̷̡͓͇͙̲̟̥̔Ḃ̷̨͜S̶̢̜̮͖̖̘̎ͅͅE̷͖͒͛̽͂̈́͑̚S̵̨̤͕̦̥̝͔̲̮͑S̴̨̞̼̼̯̱̯̥̓̌Ḭ̶̛͇̝̈́͌͋V̴̨̢̢̛̲͉̯̭̮͑̇̕͘E̷̩̗̍̆͐̄̈́̆-̵̯̥̤͓̓H̵̘̹͕̲͙̥̼͕͑͋̄̇͝Ą̶̧̛̳̮̜͍̭̆̊͂Ḷ̶̡̡͕̭̠̓̍́̈́F̶̗̥̝̉̔͗́͆̾̓͝-̴̰̱̹̣̮̟͐̓Ẅ̸̜̲̜̪̣̙͔̯́̎͛̉ͅȊ̵̲͈͕̱͍̱͋͑͒̊̓͜Ṭ̵̝̙̈̃̈́̇̀̐͝S̷̡̀́̽͋̈́̐̔͂̚!̸̲̭̑̽̏"̷̧̡̪͖̯̮͈͔̅̐̃̓̿͆


	9. This Dance Will Never End

When the smoke cleared and everything was awash in flame, Alastor walked victorious. His button-up was kept and unsullied and his antlers were on full display. Rosie on the other hand was sullied, halfway down a ditch with her limbs strewn in every direction, her wires having snapped in multiple places. She groaned as the shadow of her conqueror washed over her.

“I believe that calls it Rosie,” Alastor said, his voice deep and hollow. “Now about our deal?”

“No, Alastor please don’t!” Rosie scrambled back. Tears were falling down her cheeks, but she was more furious than anything. “You lousy two-timing grifter! You knew this was going to happen didn’t you? Trying to get rid of some competition aren’t you? You’re a true low life! I should’ve known from the start!”

“Whatever gave you that idea?”

Alastor stepped forward. He loomed over her from the top of the crater. Rosie managed to reattach her leg wires and got herself to her feet. “Besides,” she said. “We didn’t actually make a deal! We just fought. Nothing else. You have no right to take any of my power. How does that sound hmm? All of this for nothing Al?”

“Is that so?” Alastor pulled out the jewel. Rosie braced herself, uttering every curse she’s learned in Hell. There was no choice. It had to be filled, so Alastor rose it to the air and clutched it. Then, electrocution.

The jewel sucking the ever loving life out of Alastor. Sparks of dark voodoo magic and cryptic signs flew into the thing like a vacuum, all while Alastor was sparking and shocking uncontrollably. After a good minute the jewel stopped. It shone with a brilliant illumination while Alastor was very, very singed.

“You’re right Rosie!” Alastor grinned, even though every part of his being was pain. “I can’t be a crook to my associates now can I? That would be bad sportsmanship!”

Rosie was utterly speechless.

Alastor attempted to pull everything back together but was having issues halfway through. “Excuse me dear, can you help me with this part?” Rosie only lifted her hand and with a swoosh all of Buckshot Ridge reformed. The house, the garden, the courtyard, the guest house, the forest, everything. Everyone was teleported back into place good as new, though their mental states were worse for wear. Back in the corner Charlie, Vaggie and Angel popped in. “There’s not going to be a round 2 is there?” Angel asked.

Velvet and Stolas got back on their feet. “Wait, so does that mean we don’t have to do anything?” Stolas asked.

“Nope, not a thing f-friend,” Alastor replied.

“Oh thank Lucifer. I would’ve summoned an army if you tried to pull any shit like that you crazy bastard. I’m leaving.”

“As salty as I am,” Velvet said. “This was really cool. I’m going to make a post that says ‘I survived an Alastor House Party.’ Back when I’m home I mean. I’m getting outta here.” She and her abominations melted away into black goo and disappeared.

“Good company,” said Alastor. “Alright everyone! Thank you for spending a wonderful afternoon with me! I hope you enjoyed the show. Staff will be able to take your bags if needed. The guest house is open to anyone if interested.” The entire gentile class of the party ran away like a stampede. If there was one thing they learned from this party, it’s always fear the Radio Demon. Alastor laughed it off but he was hurting pretty badly.

“Are you feeling alright boss?” Blaine asked, pulling his red coat over his master. “You look terrible.”

“Don’t worry about it my friend. Just cook me up something nice. Venison please.”

“Would you like it set up over at the ‘other’ house?”

“Yes please, and uh, make sure everything’s still here. Might’ve forgotten to bring back some of the silverware.”

The servant saluted and made it so. Alastor put the crystal down. He could feel it through his whole body. It was least a third, maybe forty percent that was taken from him. He was weaker than when he had arrived in Hell. Alastor wondered if it was worth the cost.

“Are you really going to be alright Al?” Rosie walked up to him. “I can feel it all the way from here.”

“Ah it’s nothing.” Alastor perked right back up. “I can build myself back up to tip-top shape in no time. Besides, I have myself a lovely investment here. It’s very fashionable.”

“Oh you big doofus. Don’t try to hide it. You hated that decision more than anything.” She placed her hand on his shoulder. He was to tired to even dodge. “I could kill you right now if I wanted. So really, why did you do it?”

Alastor placed his hand on hers and pulled it off. “It’s what a gentleman would do my dear.”

Rosie laughed. “Oh you idiot. We’re in Hell. You should learn to be honest once in awhile.” She turned around and made it a few steps out before something broke in her, like a mirror slowly cracking. She clenched her chest. _“_ _It_ _has_ _been such a lovely time. But now it’s time to say goodbye._ _It hurts to have us_ _leave_ _this way. But there’s nothing left to say.”_ Rosie turned around, looking as damaged as Alastor. “ _A burden’s broke into my soul. It’s taken effect. I am not perfect. And you can see. Th_ _is facade’s not to be. This_ _is no_ _t really me._ ”

Rosie went back to Alastor and put her hands back on him, just to see how he’d react. The results were stone cold. His poker face was on full force and for some reason this made her smile.

“ _I know what’s behind that mask. You_ _a_ _re afraid of what I’ll ask. Coldness for you and pride for me. It’s low possibility._ _But don’t be scared of what I’ll do. Because you’re my friend. From now ‘til the end. This will be true. No matter what you do, I’ll always cherish you._ Best of luck to you...Jack.” She kissed him at the top of his grin, and for a second both were confused. “Erm, oh would you look at the time!” Rosie broke off and spun right into her Munchkins. “Alright everyone, go back to your homes. Rosie’s going to take a nap for a few days.”

“I say Lady Rosie,” one of them asked. “Did you win your bout with the great Alastor?”

“Oh yes, I won. I won indeed.”

“Amazing! You’re the best Lady Rosie!” They all cheered, one of them giving her a new parasol. The second she grabbed it and was whisked back into the sky.

“Here’s to you Al!” she shouted in the distance. “Come by so can sing more songs!”

Alastor waved back while her entourage exited the facilities. The second they were out of earshot he started hyperventilating. “Woahwee hmmmhmmhmmhmm,” he said. “That was very unexpected! Oh why does this keep happening to me...What are you three looking at?”

Charlie and the gang couldn’t help but laugh. “What you’re afraid of showing us your new girlfriend?” Angel asked.

“Yeah let’s see how you like harassment,” Vaggie said.

“I-I have no idea what you’re talking about! Go on! Get! Enjoy your ride home. Yes Charlie?”

“Um, as crazy as this all was,” Charlie said. “This was a very fun day. Could you perhaps-?”

“Yes, yes we can do more shrink sessions in the future. Now go on. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Reagan popped up next to Charlie. “Would you like a meal for the way home?” Charlie declined. No demon meat today.

Razzle and Dazzle managed to get the car running and park it alongside the other limos ferrying people out of Buckshot Ridge. A crowd of people gathered around the front gate and they were gossiping like mad, mainly about how much of a dick the Overlords are. Charlie met with the others and waited their turn.

“Well I’m happy how this all turned out,” Charlie said.

“I...expected this,” Vaggie said. “We don’t get anything ‘safe’ from a demon like him.”

“I honestly feel bad for him,” Angel added. “Broad starts laying the moves on him and calls ‘im the wrong name. Talk about a bust.”

“Uh, I don’t think that’s what’s up, but whatever. As long as we can have relatively normal hotel work I’ll be happier.”

“I agree.” Charlie pulled them together. “The better we work together the higher the chance we can make the Happy Hotel flourish!”

“Oh I thought I recognized you.” A spectacled demon with red horns turned around. “You’re Charlie Magne from the hotel, Lucifer’s daughter?”

“Yes?” Charlie said. “And you are?”

“Oh, sorry, my name is Jeffrey, Jeffrey Dahmer, the cooking show host? Alastor asked me to send a bunch of demons your way.”

Deep inside Charlie’s conscious a twig holding up a pile of dark and nagging suspicions snapped. “Excuse me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Be Continued in Episode 6: House Call


End file.
